Another Year

Seven years ago today my classmate Halee committed suicide. Each year when April 6th comes and goes, it feels a little surreal. This year feels different, though. Maybe it's my impending graduation or maybe it's job and apartment hunting or maybe it is something else entirely, but today more than ever I was struck by how unfair it is that Halee isn't somewhere on this planet doing whatever crazy thing her astonishing brain came up with next.

Today marks another year of Halee not getting her license or graduating or moving into an over priced apartment with her friends or eating her favorite meal. Another year remembering the moment my geometry teacher walked into first hour a few minutes late and having to hear my 15 year old classmates tell him why the desk next to me was empty.

Another year wishing that playing tic tac toe on MSN messenger or asking her how she did her hair during Ms. Kruger's homeroom had been more meaningful. Another year wishing somebody--anybody--could have said something to her to make her realize how much life she had left to live.

Over the last seven years I've come to terms with the fact that nothing anybody says or does is going to make the fact that Halee died okay. Nothing can make the fact that somebody's daughter, somebody's sister, somebody's best friend, somebody thought her only option was to commit suicide. We need to destigmatize mental health and we need to make sure every single person knows that there are people and places that will help and we need to do it yesterday.

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